"I wouldn't think you eat a lot of carbs or sugar, though."
Sitting just a few feet away from me in a cozy office in a carriage-style house, I just stared at my new therapist. Moments before, she had diagnosed me with depression but said that my running would, for the time being, keep me off antidepressants thanks to the release of dopamine and serotonin. So the question of my diet was an interesting one.
I wanted to tell her that I run. Far. #carbsforlife, yo. You know. Rather, I told her my diet is always a work in progress.
Breakfast: Southwest Egg White Scramble with homemade sourdough toasted topped with Trader Joe's Fig Butter (this will be the death of me)
The reason she brought up, she explained, was that a diet high in carbohydrates and sugar has been linked to depression. In her experience, changing diet as part of treatment could be beneficial. "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Fuhrman could offer some insight. I took note and went on my way.
Morning snack: Carrot Cake Cookie and skinny steamer
I'm familiar with the "Eat to Live" protocol having followed the holiday challenge more than a year ago and being around people who follow it. It's restrictive at best - a primarily plant-based diet that eschews oil, sugar, dairy and salt. I've always thought it to be too much for me but if it would help me, I was willing to reconsider.
Lunch: Whole-Wheat Couscous Chicken salad with a banana
I talked to my co-worker who had been a pretty devout Fuhrman follower. She had seen some great results from the diet - lower cholesterol, blood sugar - and seemed to embrace the lifestyle. Those things are great but my interest was narrow. "Were you happier?" I asked. The answer? Yes.
Afternoon snack: Carrots with the Laughing Cow and watermelon Nuun (it's back!). Also, homemade hummus and tabbouleh with wheat pita, dried apricots and walnuts
The challenge for me, though, was believing whether the diet made her happy because it made her feel better on a self esteem level or whether changing the way she ate affected her mood on a chemical level. I know eating healthfully makes me feel good but it's almost always because I feel like I'm doing something good for me, giving more confidence and satisfaction.
Dinner: Open-faced veggie burger with corn, dollop of mac and cheese and homemade onion soup
I decided to turn to another friend: Google. Searching for research about mood and diet, I found anecdotal and research-based evidence that certain ways of eating affected mood. The Mediterranean diet that seemed popular a few (or 10) years back was shown to improve depression. Sugar and the effect on insulin was shown to exacerbate depression.
Snack: Plain Greek yogurt with stevia, golden raisins, walnuts and TJ's fig butter
The more I read, the more I realized that it comes down to one thing: Eating real food. There's a definite link between depression and sugar - whether we eat sugar because we're depressed or whether we're depressed because we eat sugar - and it would behoove me to try to limit it.
My goals right now are to cut back on the treats, focus on quality carbohydrates (going back to whole grain and brown rice instead of what the boys like) and dramatically increase my fruit and vegetable intake. I am taking cues from the Mediterranean diet but mostly for meal inspiration. It's by no means a dramatic overhaul, or at least I'd think, but a chance to renew myself, my diet and my mental health.
The change is just that - a change, a work in process, which I guess is a lot like therapy. I'm happy to report that I'm already feeling better. I definitely know that it's feeling like I'm taking that step forward, again a lot like going to therapy, but it's something.