At first, I thought it was just readjusting to life post-vacation. While I didn't go crazy in Colorado, I enjoyed the state and the company of my family. There was the most delicious ice cream at Sweet Cow in Louisville and a piece of fried chicken at White Fence Farms in Lakewood. I couldn't resist the donuts I brought home for the boys after Orange Theory, and I made an ice cream pie, which I had to sample, for my hosts.
Coming home, I was ready and almost excited to go back to NSNG. I picked up my favorite snacks at the store - pickles, olives, cheese, almonds - and prepared for a good week. My first day back to work wasn't so bad, though not great, but I figured that maybe I needed a day. Tuesday, I tried again and it went worse ... and worse ... and worse.
It wasn't my resolve that was wavering nor was I fed up with NSNG. Oh, no. It was that I could not handle the sheer amount of stress and tension in the workplace. We're undergoing a system change, and it is wreaking havoc. There are adjustments to be made, crashes to work through and attitudes that are developing. On top of it, there were vacations scheduled and everyone's task list grew.
Each night, I went home with knots in my neck and shoulders and hands that were groping for the ice cream scoop. Day after day, night after night, I was feeding the stress with sugar. A piece of candy here, a cookie there, a bowl of ice cream on the side. I was falling into the same behaviors that were a part of the reason I went NSNG in the first place.
I thought this week would be better. There are more people in the office, and the workload is more manageable. But tensions are still high, and I can still feel it in my shoulders - and my sweet tooth. I'm trying to be forgiving but, truth be told, I don't really like me when I'm this way, when I feel so out of control.
So, I'm putting it out there. I am making a pledge to me. This all stops TODAY.