On judging motivation

My old self would sort of hate me right now.

She would hate me for checking out a "diet" book from the library. She'd hate me for thumbing through it on the drive to Cincinnati. She'd hate me for considering the plan.

She'd hate me because she didn't appreciate my motivation. To her, trying to lose 5 or 10 pounds to look better or run faster wasn't a good enough precipitous to hop on the wagon and hold steady through the holidays. To her, the only people who should be thumbing through diet books and grasping for change were those who needed and not those who merely wanted to. With a clothing size in the single digits, to her, I would not get to say "I needed to lose weight." I needed to be content.

Note: I do not think I need to lose weight as I am within the healthy weight range for my height. However, I'd like to get a pair of winter pants from storage without that "Oh fuck, will they fit?" pang in my stomach. 

I was thinking of this as I drove to work with Dr. Ian Smith's "Shred" on the passenger seat, scraps of paper bookmarking pages of interest. I had borrowed the book after getting curious about Dolvett Quince's new book, "The 3-1-2-1 Diet," which led me to Amazon reviews, which suggested Dr. Ian Smith, which ... well, you get the picture.

I was thinking about why others think it's OK to decide whether someone should do something seemingly beneficial for themselves and whether they have "good enough" motivation.

For instance, I was chatting with my aunt over Thanksgiving. My aunt is incredibly adorable - funny, nice and just plain cute. She's one of those people who has always been thin, though, I'll be honest, I have no idea whether or not she works for it. A few years back, a friend of hers was joining a women's only gym in an effort to lose weight and my aunt decided to go as well. She figured it would be a good way to support her friend and the exercise wouldn't hurt either. The ladies in the club, however, weren't so sure. She didn't have to be there ... so why was she?

My aunt heard it time and time again. So much so that she vowed that the next time a comment was made, she would tell them a harrowing tale of weight loss. The next time she was there, sure enough, her interest was called out. She told the person that she'd lost 100 pounds and was working to keep it off. To my aunt's surprise, the commentator's tune changed - applauding her for her accomplishment and continued hard work.

Interesting, eh?

While I don't advocate lying, I do find it interesting that others find it more permissible for people to work toward goals - eating better, exercise, weight loss - based on their perceptions of what's acceptable rather than what's healthy. As long as we are doing it for our own reasons, the specifics shouldn't matter.

And that's what I have to say about that.