On Monday, I crossed the finish line of my third marathon of 2013 and, for the third time this year, I crossed the line in 2:01.
While I was using the Oak Brook race as a supported and safe training run during a weekend getaway, I had hoped to also work on pacing and negative splits to come in under 2 hours. I wanted to start out controlled, come up to pace from miles 5 to10 and bring it home in the last 5K. I wanted to break my post-baby rut of plus-2 half marathons.
It was a sound plan and one that seemed to be working, sort of, as I started the race. I was running what felt like reserved miles for the first 5 miles and I kept it strong till at least the 10K mark when I saw my favorite spectator, Bobbi. But come the 10-mile mark, the time to hammer, I had nothing. My legs were tired, I felt dehydrated and the thought of fueling made my stomach gurgle. During the last mile or so, I thought I was going to throw up at least two times and tossed my beloved Salted Caramel Gu, unopened, to the wayside because I was tired of holding it. I still cringe thinking of my wastefulness.
As each mile ticked by, I slowly saw the 1:58:XX race I was on track for slip away. I tried hard in that last 30 minutes, telling myself not to "lose it" so close to the end. I told myself not to let the work slip away. I told myself to be relentless.
The mind, though strong, could not help the body to find another gear. I came in with an official time of 2:01:05.
While I'm comforted, slightly, by the facts of the day -- it was just a training run, the course was hilly, I was only a week out from HTC, I needed more in the tank (Nuun + Gu) -- I can't help but wonder whether I need to accept that I might be a 2:01 half marathoner and stop getting disappointed when it doesn't happen.
I've ran eight races at the distance and only one was under two hours, my PR at the 2010 Fort4Fitness. The other events have ranged from 2:18 to 2:00:XX. Five of those races have been post-Miles and no matter how ready I think my body has been to break the barrier, I have yet to see it follow through and it might not ever ... or so I'm starting to think.
It makes me almost sick to write that, more so to consider accepting it. There are thoughts ... maybe if I worked harder, ran more, ate better, did X, Y, Z, I could break 2 hours again. Yet, I wonder if by not accepting this possible new reality is setting myself up for failure as there are legitimate reasons to support the theory.
1. Despite some mediocre-to-good efforts, I am not at pre-baby weight. When I ran my half marathon PR of 1:54:12, I was 10 pounds lighter. I know that I am more muscular now than I was then and Kim v. 2010 might have been too thin but I can't deny what the scale says. The heavier a person is, the harder the body has to work to move. It's why marathoners are so sinewy. It does not help that I have gained a few LBs in the past couple months, contributing to a failure to get speedier and less than stellar image of myself.
2. I'm not following a specific plan to break 2 hours. While I've been focusing on the Veterans Marathon, I've been doing pace runs and higher mileage rather than the mile repeats and tempo repeats. It's that intense, shorter speed work that helps strengthen fast-twitch muscle fibers and build endurance - both essential to a fast half.
3. I'm training less with Mark. Pre-baby, Mark would run most of my long runs with me as he was training for the same events. I was running those double digit miles at sub-9 pace and, eventually, feeling comfortable with it. I am (for good reason) training slower and not bringing those faster paces to any part of my long runs. It's as if my body forgets how to run fast over a significant distance. When Mark does join me for part of my long run, I'm often cranky and tired and definitely not in the mood to push sub-9. Don't get me wrong - it's happened - but not with any frequency and consistency worth mentioning.
I know that none of this makes sense with my hope to break 4 at Veterans Marathon and my relentless belief that I have that time in me. Maybe it's my nagging hip or fear or some bubbling self esteem issues planting seeds of doubt. I don't know. This idea, this feeling ... well, it was something I had to put down. Something I had to face.
I haven't won the sub 2 battle yet. My closest was Wisconsin (when we finished nearly together!!!) with a 2:02. I am hoping next year to focus more on half marathons and to train hard for that distance as I don't think I'll be training for a full. I need to take a break from full training because Mike works every other weekend and my girls have had to sleep at family members houses soooo much this summer to make sure I made it to my training runs. It has simply been too much work for everyone.
ReplyDeleteWhy Kim Didn't Go Sub 2 in Oak Brook by bobbi:
ReplyDelete1. 1 week post HTC. Hello!? I don't think you are giving that effort the respect it deserves. It takes time to recover from that.
2. 1 day post walking all over Brookfield zoo. Don't forget this part.
3. Humid as hell. Srsly.
4. (and I say this because I love you) - you are putting FAR too much pressure on yourself for this one thing. Let it go and it will come. I believe in you ♥
And a last note - I SUCK so hard at spectating that i didn't get a single picture of you. Sigh. But it was WONDERFUL to see you!
I think you're being too hard on yourself when you look at the circumstances surrounding the two half's this year that (I remember) you were trying for sub-2. I've got to agree with all of Bobbi's points. I heartily believe you'll nail it again.
ReplyDeleteI know I'm a rookie, but I have been experiencing a weird thing with PR's in my training. For WEEKS, I could PR in my 3-mile run — but only if I was running five or more miles. But when I just ran 3? Never hit it until this week. Not sure if the extra distance pushes me to run faster from the get-go or what. BUT my point is that even though you haven't hit your sub-2:00 in the half doesn't mean you can't do a sub-4:00 in the full. Stay relentless, Kim! :)
ReplyDeleteDON'T GIVE UP! You will get that sub-2 goal at some point... I know it. There were a lot of factors going into this race, like Bobbi said. For me, after marathon training I got a lot faster. I think slowing down my pace and putting in more miles made a big difference. Maybe that will happen for you too! Believe in yourself!
ReplyDeleteUgh. First, I just want to say that getting 2:01 all the time would get SO stinkin frustrating. I get that. Second, I don't think it means you're doomed to 2:01. At all. Your interests and training has diversified a lot since your sub-2, which is GOOD. Maybe your body is still acclimating to that. And maybe finding speed again post-baby takes longer (I haven't seen a burst of speed for myself either). But I definitely agree with all of Bobbi's points. And I know you'll get sub-2 again, this year or next year.
ReplyDeletefirst of all - congrats on another half mary! i hope you enjoyed the course?? as for the time, i think that sometimes so many stars have to align in order to get that perfect race. the weather wasn't ideal on monday (humid??) and you were traveling (and let's not forget the relentless daily effort required to be a mom). but still - i think you will get your goal, and then some. it just may take time with some good luck factored in. i will say that ever since having a baby, i haven't been the same. i don't want to give up on myself either, but sometimes i think that i just have to face the reality and adjust my expectations. but that is just me. i am so amazed by your training and how much running you're doing - it's quite inspirational. i hope to someday get back into longer distances and feel good doing it.
ReplyDeleteI second (or third) the motion on Bobbi's comment. PLUS the last few miles of that course are gradually, torturously uphill. Not sure anyone can feel any pep in their step at that point in Oakbrook. Never say never on the return to sub-2. It WILL COME!
ReplyDelete