Just call me Starlite

I was training for the Columbus Marathon the first time it happened. I had 8 miles on the schedule and the only way I could see getting it done was to get up early. Really early by my standards, and I forced myself to set the alarm for 5 a.m.

After I finished logging those miles, I thought I deserved a prize. A medal. A parade.

I went to work and told anyone who listened about how tired I was. I would tell them how I had gotten up at 5 a.m. to run, how I had gone 8 miles that morning as I was in the thick of marathon training. I would take pride in the fact that I had finished my workout before they had gotten out of bed.

Those early runs were intermittent but more frequent than I preferred, and my ego grew with each one - as did my conversations. After all, I was the specialist of the special for getting up that early to log the miles. It was OK to brag even if it annoyed everyone around me.

The more I talked about it, became aware of those early morning hours ... the more I read the posts from the Mother Runners and mother runners, however, the more I realized that I wasn't so special. There are lots of people who get up early to run, and there are a good number who are gong farther, harder and taking on bigger events. My measly easy 5 miles seemed like nothing compared to them and not-so-noteworthy.

So I stopped with the incessant bragging. I stopped letting myself feel like the magical unicorn I had built myself up to be.

This morning was another 5 a.m. alarm, another not-so-special run. It was hot - 77 degrees - and muggy - 80 percent humidity. I was tired. My legs were fatigued from teaching Piloxing and BODYPUMP last night. Everything about the day screamed stop yet I pushed on because I didn't want to give up on my first official run of my Veterans Marathon training. Each time I thought about cutting it short, shuffling workouts, I told myself to suck it up. I made myself think of some of the women, including you, who never cease to inspire me. I told myself that I needed to get it done and to stop feeling like I was making such a sacrifice to be out there.

And that's when I realized something. By telling myself I wasn't doing something amazing, that I was doing something ordinary, I was not giving myself credit for doing things that were hard, even if only for that day. I was forcing myself not to take pride in my accomplishments.

Stupid, eh?

While this morning's run might not have been a write-home-to-mom scenario for some or many, it was a victory for me. I over came my own stupid head. I didn't give in when the going got tough and there wasn't a dry piece of fabric to wipe my brow. I focused on how the unfavorable conditions would make me stronger in order to accomplish a goal for this day.

I might not deserve a medal but I do deserve to be kind to myself.