It is nearly impossible to travel outside the comforts of your home
without being confronted by the rampant obesity problem in the United
States. From the grocery carts full of high-calorie processed food to
tighter squeezes around the conference table to parents watching their
children play on the park bench, the widening waistline is hard to miss.
And it's even harder to not judge.
A
not-world-famous blogger recently caught flack via GOMI for posting a
photo and order of two gentlemen she saw at Starbucks. The men were
obese, and she was frustrated by the poor choices they were making.
After reading the criticism on the forum,
I'm sad to say that I went to the post (since removed) and left a
critical comment, feeling very high and mighty. It was the first of an onslaught of harsh words for the woman who was probably ignorant (initially) to the power of her words and actions.
While I don't regret
the comment I made as I believe it was not overly vicious and fairly
well meaning coming, I'm not so sure I had the right to make it.
Admittedly, when I see a mother pushing a grocery cart with 12-packs of
Mountain Dew that I roll my eyes. I feel sick to my stomach when I see
people do more than indulge in a restaurant. My gaze stops when I see
someone morbidly obese.
I am not proud of those statements, and I
truly do my best to suspend judgment. I make a concerted effort to
catch myself in the act, so to speak, and force myself to step back. I
ask myself if that's how I would have wanted to be treated when I was
obese. Would I have wanted to be treated that way, with such disgust?
The
answer, obviously, is no. It can be a hard line to walk, though. The
one between not wanting to accept - even condone - poor decisions and
letting people live their lives, especially when the judgment comes from
a well-meaning place. I try to keep a few things in mind when I'm
facing a not-so-nice side of myself.
People do not always know
what's good and bad. It might seem inherent that fruits and vegetables
are better than chocolate bars and chips but the healthy food world can
get murky beyond the basics. I would often order pasta dishes and salads
thinking they were better than burgers and fries. Ruby Tuesday was a
favorite haunt of mine when I was at my heaviest, and I'd often eat a
Cajun pasta dish with the salad bar. The item is no longer available but
the Parmesan Shrimp Pasta has 1,065 calories and 54 grams of fat. By
comparison, a Classic Cheeseburger has 907 calories and 59 grams of fat.
Obviously, the pasta was not a better choice.
Don't assume you
know their motives. Whether it's a grocery cart full of crap or a
fat-laden, calorie-rich meal, a person might not be the intended
consumer for the products. Right or wrong, I buy Mark frozen pizzas and
cookies at the grocery and I'll purchase non-diet soda for parties. If I
got to Starbucks, I might be ordering a drink for myself and a friend. Just because I get those things doesn't mean I'll be binging later.
Road
untraveled. When we see someone who is obese, it's easy to think you
know her story. She sits at home and eats ice cream out of the carton.
She orders a large size No. 1 from McDonald's on the way home from work. She says she would only
run if being chased by a saber tooth tiger that emerged from the
space-time continuum. And it could be true. It could also be true, though, that she's already started to make
changes. She's lost 20 pounds and hit a milestone at Weight Watchers.
She walked three miles for the first time ever. Sideways glances and
unkind thoughts will not motivate her or encourage changes. They will
set her back.
Being at a healthy weight does not give you special
privileges. After a particularly hard run or long race, you might find
me in line at Menchie's, throwing brownie bites and cookie dough onto my
frozen yogurt. My favorite post-half marathon meal is french fries from
McDonald's. And I definitely rode the "I just ran 20 miles" train longer than I should have. Those foods are just as bad for me as they are for someone
who is obese, and I can't judge others for eating them if I do.
Flesh
and blood. Judgment can often turn an overweight person into an object,
devoid of feelings and rights. But underneath it all, they are human.
They have blood pumping through their veins. Feelings. Insecurities.
And, last time I checked, all people were deserving of life, liberty and
the pursuit of happiness - not judgment and scorn.
What are your thoughts?
what an awesome post!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. As I started losing weight, I found myself being more critical of others. I was disgusted with myself. I certainly am not healthy all the time. If I go to Starbucks I can guarantee it's not for anything that's good for me and if I treat my boys to McDonald's, I rarely order a salad for myself. I absolutely have no right to judge others choices.
ReplyDeleteI complete agree with the first one. My mom's whole side of the family is overweight. My mom was fortunate to have a higher metabolism when she was younger she stayed thinner until her 40s. Since then she has really struggled with her weight. She exercises and feels that she eats right by skipping meals or not eating a lot. What she doesn't see is that skipping meals makes things worse and that even if she isn't eating a lot, it's always carbs, sugar, etc. She grew up in a low income home, where nutrition was not the focus...getting enough to eat was.
ReplyDeleteI think its easy to be critical of others when you are trying to lose weight, and sometimes it is an insecurity thing. The thing that is upsetting is that you never know who is actually healthy or not (which is why it's even more important to NOT judge). I watch a little girl who is my daughters age (2) about 3 times a week and her family is all thin, but when I open up her backpack to see what kind of snacks she brought with her and there were glazed doughnuts, pudding packs, and a giant can of Yoohoo, THIS KID IS TWO-YEARS-OLD! I have the hardest time not being judgmental and also thinking how unfair it is that I seem to constantly be watching what I'm eating and am still overweight! The other thing is that I don't let my daughter eat those kinds of foods and in my head it makes me angry that the mother would pack snacks like that for her child. Trying to be non-judgmental is hard! Great post Kim!
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely harder not to judge when you see parents introducing children to foods that are not nutrient dense. Money can definitely be an issue but wheat bagels are the same price as doughnuts. Hope you are feeling well!
DeleteWhat a thought provoking and honest post. I am guilty of looking at people the wrong way who are obese. I don't think there are many people out there who say that they haven't done it. But, you are right, you don't know their backstory and it's better not to judge. I think as women, we get caught in the comparison trap all the time and it might make some people feel better about their choices if they mock others. In the end, it comes down to the choices you make for yourself.
ReplyDeleteSo good, Kim. I think with the road untraveled we also don't know what sort of emotional and psychological things they might have faced in their lives that leads them to this. Maybe they were abused, maybe they were always told they were fat, maybe they went through something traumatic. I think once we become aware of our health it's easy for us to become aware of others... but we can't know their journey in the same way. I definitely struggle with this, too - judging the grocery carts of others, etc. And I want to love people for who they are, not what they eat, what they weigh, etc.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, sometimes I think our judgment comes out of our own judging of ourselves. I judge myself by my weight and what I'm eating often, so I do that to others. When really, I shouldn't use those measurements on my own worth and certainly shouldn't use them on others.
DeleteI love this! I think that being so aware of how we eat and the choices we make allows others' choices to be more obvious, especially when the go against our ideas of what's good and bad.
DeleteGreat post! I confess, I've judged. I've judged at the grocery store when I see nothing but high calorie, high sugar, high fat processed food in carts. I've judged at restaurants. It's awful, but I've done it.
ReplyDeleteI've been lucky enough to not ever really struggle with weight. I indulge and eat crap sometimes. I have the knowledge to put together healthy meals. I also have the resources. There are so many factors that contribute to obesity, from lack of education to poverty level and fresh food availability. Sure with a car it's easy to make it to a store that has tons of fresh foods. But what if you live in a big city where the only store you can get to is 7-11? Not a lot of healthy options there.
Instead of judging, we need to help eachother. Obviously you're not going to approach a stranger in the store and tell them that you will help them make healthier, tasty versions of the processed food in their carts. but I do think that you can help those around you in a meaningful way, free of judgement as long as you come from a place of concern.
Amazing post. I'm careful not to judge people But sometimes I cannot help it. Like today I was at the doctors office waiting for our turn and I witnessed a mom give her 1 yr old a potato chips bag, a chocolate wafer pack and a strawberry milk shake ( in less than 1.5 hrs) I did not roll my eyes or voiced my shock, I even politely declined when she offered my daughter a biscuit, but deep inside I was horrified!!! Does this woman really not know that that is a lot of junk for an adult let alone a one year old? !!!!! I dont judge people that hurt their selves , but I do judge those who hurt their children or loved ones by being ignorant, careless or stupid. I also believe that ignorance is not an excuse, when it comes to your children u bring them to this world it's ur responsibility to give them the best and sometimes it means educating urself .
ReplyDeleteI do understand that taking the first step is hard and feeling judged just makes it harder.
I am definitely guilty of giving Miles less than fantastic things (Hello, potty = cookie) but I'm not sure I've ever handed my child a bag of chips much less all three in a short time span. I think there definitely needs to be a kind education, hopefully from someone in that doctor's office with a medical background, about child nutrition.
DeleteIm sorry but as a fat person, I dont agree. I know whats good for me, and whats not good for me. I have known since I was a teenager. And now, more than ever, it is impossible to not know what you should be filling your stomachs with. People DO know, they are just to lazy to want to change, or they dont want to give up the comforts their foods bring them. How could eating fried foods ever be good for you? How could an Oreo or a Twinkie be GOOD for you? I know, you know and they know, its crap!
ReplyDeleteNow, as a fat person, I do sometimes treat myself to a Starbucks or some soy ice cream, but it is rare. In the past 2 years, I have realized that if I want to live longer, I have to change. I have become vegan and tossed out all processed foods. I know that not everyone thinks they want to live longer, and that not everyone will go the way I have, but when someone is poisoning them selves with the processed sugary or fried crap, it is hard not to judge, especially if they are someone who should turn to a wholesome snack instead.
Like I said, people know, but they are just not willing to change. As for not judging or thinking bad of them, we are only human.
I'm only interested in judgment when I'm trying to make myself feel better about myself - it's never about the other person. After all, what good does it do?
ReplyDeleteAnd I know from my own weight loss journey that nothing anyone could have said or done would have changed my mind about my lifestyle until I changed it for myself. In fact, with my rebellious personality, I was far MORE likely to overeat if people nagged me about my weight. I'd show them who was boss! The worst was the bone-thin nutritionist who said "You can have one slice of pizza" as if she were the queen of deciding what food I got. THAT set me on the path to 224 pounds, where I stayed until I was good and ready to change - for myself.
Weight loss is individual and motivation is different for each person.