Promises, promises

There are certain things you should know by the age of 31. Whether through just the inherent wisdom that comes from aging or trial and error, some things should be given.

1. Unless you are a board certified cosmetologist, do not attempt to trim your own bangs. While your efforts are someone improved since the disaster that was third grade, you will (more than likely) do more harm than good and find yourself at Regis in the mall, handing over the $5 you tried to save, while your child flails in the stroller.

For 2013: I promise not to trim my bangs nor put off tasks of personal maintenance because a) "I don't have time;" or b) feel guilty for spending money on such things. It's not unreasonable to spend $20 every six weeks for hair-free vision and a clean upper lip.

2. Do not yell at your husband for throwing away a $10 cream cardigan from Old Navy before thoroughly retracing your steps. Not only do you look bat shit crazy tossing boxes out of the recycling bin in the garage, you will more than likely scare your child. And - horror of all horrors - have to apologize to your husband once you (possibly) remember taking it out of the bag and using said bag to lug a change of clothes to work.

Even worse, you discover (even later) that you wore it on Christmas.

For 2013: I promise to be more patient and not yell in front of Miles ... most of the time.

3. Ripping down wallpaper in a fit of boredom one Saturday night does not mean that you'll actually prep, prime and paint the walls. Rather, you will find yourself apologizing to holiday guests for the less than stylish back hallway that looks like someone wiped ... well, something on the walls.

For 2013: I promise to put some thought into the house. Miles is getting older, and we've been there for almost two years. The jig is up. We're there and I have time.

4. Giving your dog a (used) peppermint tea bag does not mean he will eat it nor does licking it mean he will have minty fresh breath. While Miles was the one to do such a thing, I did not stop the exchange in the vain effort that Denali's breath would go from rotting fish food to spearmint gum.

For 2013: I promise to pay more attention to my adorable pooch. He's gotten to be the red-headed stepchild of the family (as opposed to just the red-headed child) and he deserves some love.

5. Children are mimics. They will say and do just about anything you do - with the exception of eating dinner while fully seated and peeing in the toilet. If you say something that begins with "f" and ends in "k" when you can't find the dang YMCA in an effort to cash in a coupon for a free month, your toddler will be able to say it. With distinct clarity and pride.

Obviously not evidence of the crime ...

For 2013: I promise to pay more attention to my words. They have great power.