Food Friday: A man's perspective

Allow me (Mark) just to first state that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about (my History of Art professor in college told me so), so don't take offense. I certainly can't lay claim to the kind of intense devotion that Kim shows to her love of all things fitness. With that being said, the product that I tasted, enjoyed, spit-up and sat down to write about appears below. Enjoy.

Brace yourselves Healthy Strides readers. I often get home to find my porch inundated with an assortment of products that I routinely assume to originate from Kim's blog/giveaways/corporate agreements/etc. I also assumed that Kim was either overworked, going insane (or both) when she approached me with an opportunity to review one of the many aforementioned products that often adorn my front doorstep. With nervous trepidation, I accepted Kim's generous offer to grace my writing skills on her blog.

Really, I'm not generous. I simply found the caloric content of the products (280+ for a bar) to be outside my comfort zone. 

 

Unboxing Premier Nutrition's Premier Protein bars and shakes was an uplifting and pseudo-patriotic experience. The inside of the box was wrapped like a finely-crafted gift from Macy's footwear department. Unfortunately, half of the bars I tried tasted like they came from there, too. The wrapping was red, white and blue, and even the photo of the happy, fit man jogging was wearing the same colors. (Perhaps you're patriotic if you eat these things?)

 Reading the directions on a product is always a good thing, so, of course, I neglected to do so when I tried first Premier Protein's “Original Chocolate Shake.” I know that these shakes are intended for fitness-minded individuals, and that they won't exactly resemble what you'd drink during happy hour at Steak-N-Shake, but I couldn't even finish this protein shake.

 “It wasn't properly chilled, Mark,” said an always astute Kimberly.

True, fair enough, so I braved on to try their other variety of shake called “Original Vanilla.” Being a bigger fan of vanilla over chocolate anyway, I thought this would turn out better. Having been chilled appropriately for over 24 hours, and consumed on the way to work in the morning, well, um, it wasn't any better. The shake tasted, well, bland, like it was entirely crafted from artificial this and artificial that. I spit it out about halfway through.

Word to the wise, from Kim: I drank the vanilla shake, blended with a frozen banana and cinnamon, and I found it to be enjoyable. Sweet but good. 

My tasting experience with Premier Protein products not quite thorough enough (hey, I'm dealing with Kim here), I decided to test my luck with two varieties of their protein bars, Double Chocolate Peanut Butter and Yogurt Peanut Crunch Bar. The double chocolate variety was bland, and smacked of the same mediocrity that the aforementioned shakes had. I couldn't finish it. I mean, if the world was suddenly overcome with the walking dead and I was forced to consume immediate calories to stave off starvation, pass me a bar. Other than that, I can't see myself going out of the way to ever eat one again.

 Fortunately, my blog is not all piss and vinegar, as their yogurt variety of protein bar was not just tasty, but extremely satisfying. I'd like to think that I used a scale to rate their products' quality; “1” being just tastier than a steaming dog turd, and “10” being a Snickers Marathon Energy Bar, I would give the Premier Protein Yogurt Peanut Crunch Bar an “8.” I would highly recommend them for extra calories before, during or after an athletic event. Even if you're a couch potato, I'd recommend them over their less-than-healthy candy bar or nutri grain bar alternatives.

 Thanks, Kim, for giving me a concrete deadline and forcing me to write again.