I'm not going to lie: Things have been a bit, umm, challenging in the Healthy Strides house. There have been tears and screaming and all out tantrums. And, I swear, it's not because Mark refused to set a $5,000 minimum on my Christmas gift.
Nope. Our little tantrum-thrower is the cute and not-so-cuddly Miles.
Part of me thinks it's teething and part of me thinks he just wants to be a jerk.
And yes, I just called my baby a jerk. You would, too, if he screamed for three days straight and you could do nothing - not even nurse him non-stop - to make him happy.
It's been very trying, to say the least, and I was trying to garner some sympathy last night when I was on the phone with my grandma. Twas a futile effort as she had seven and has been through it all. Instead, she told me to relax. She told me that God never gives us more than we can handle. And then, the kicker:
"Maybe you need to get on something."
Truth is I was already prescribed something. When Miles was a newborn, his colic-like behavior was too much for me. I spent hours curled in a ball of the upstairs hallway sobbing uncontrollably. I fantasized about running away or getting hit by a car while I went to the grocery. Every day, I wondered how I was going to survive. My OB gave me a bottle of happy pills in the form of generic Zoloft to help.
The Zoloft, though, was unable to ease the despair I felt. The medication didn't make me feel like a better mom or come with a remedy for fussiness. The low dose merely made me feel more even and kept me from snapping at Mark as often as I had been.
The thing that saved me - the thing that kept me from leaping in front of a car - was running. Shortly after receiving the Zoloft, I was able (physically) to begin running with focus. I could now make one thing in my life about me. Running took me to a place void of screaming and demands for milk. Even on the worst days, like this morning, I can strap Miles in the stroller and go for a run. It guarantees me 30 minutes of quiet as the motion lulls him to sleep. I can push the BOB at a lightning fast pace of 10:08 and work out all of my frustrations.
So when my grandma advised that I get on something, I told her I was. On a training plan.
As for the Zoloft, I keep it in the medicine cabinet in the event of an emergency but haven't taken a dose in months.
How has running or exercise helped you?
OMG - I'm here, reach out! Wow, I'm sorry that I didn't know it has been so challenging! I really feel badly that I didn't know and couldn't help! Grab my hand - let's do this run together! :)
ReplyDeleteRunning has given me a chance to meet people, to dig deep, to find a level of confidence and ability to "talk to strangers" that I never knew I had within me. Running has given me something to look forward to and something to take pride in. Running has given me something to share with others. Running has opened a door to a whole new world for me!
Seriously - call me, let's run, or walk, or drink, or talk, or body pump!
Great job on taking the natural route. I hate being on pills that i don't need and exercise is a GREAT anti-depressant.
ReplyDeleteAs a mom I think we get pulled in so many directions that we can lose ourselves very easily. Just remember that your feelings are normal and this is a feeling that all mom's have (even if they don't talk about it). I remember after my mom left and my hub's went back to work I use to SOB, like hyperventilate sob, and I'm NOT a crier! When my hub's would come home from work I would let the baby cry while I cried and my hub's just hugged me. I had no idea why I was crying, and some nights I had to put Hanna in her crib and walk away so I couldn't hear the crying and I could gain my sanity!
Being a mom is hard, and just when you think you have it figured out it changes. Keep running and taking the moments that you can for yourself, and remember that all us other mom's are here for you when you need a listening ear!
Hello,
ReplyDeleteBeing a mom is the hardest adjustment in the world! It seems very few people actually talk about how hard it is. I distinctly remember crying uncontrollably into a plate of fried rice my husband brought home so I wouldn't have to make dinner. I didn't feel like sanity returned until several months in. So please go easy on yourself. You are adjusting to family life with a new baby, working, and running to boot! I enjoy reading your blog and find it motivational! Keep up the good work . . . ad know he will grow out of tantrums . . . at least by college :-)
Hang in there. It'll get better! My twin boys are almost two and every little wokrout I could fit in in the beginning was worth it. I too got prescribed soemthign that is STILL sitting in my bathroom drawer. ha! I never needed it, but it was sure nice knowing it was there. :)So glad to have foudn your blog! Yippee! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for being so honest here. Running helps me, too. I'm kinder to myself when I'm running - and that helps everyone around me.
ReplyDeletePraying for you - hope Miles calms down soon. Maybe you need to take another "me" day?
I understand. My daughter is almost 4 months old, and I was prescribed medicine, but didn't like the side effects. I felt like a zombie and couldn't hold still, so I quit taking it. I am going to force myself to start running again. (I'm not as awesome as you, so I quit running around this time last year when I found out I was pregnant and wanted to puke all the time...) We live in a place where I can't just walk out the door and go for a run, so I am doing my best to figure out a schedule and stick to it.
ReplyDeleteI hope Mr. Miles calms down soon. He is adorable and has beautiful blue eyes!
People like to pretend like motherhood is all rainbows and sunshine, but it's not. It's hard and it's a HUGE adjustment. Good for you for sharinge your struggles!
ReplyDeleteHopefully Miles is just going through his 4 month yuck. Ella certainly is right now.
Running always puts me in a better mood and makes me feel better about how I look and feel, especially post baby.
Great post! My youngest (of four total) will be turning 1 in a few weeks. I wish that I had had running with my first three. It has amazing "healing" properties. And it's all natural. Does it get much better? I say, good for you! That you chose the route that perhaps isn't as "easy", because let's face it popping a pill is way easier than heading out to run 3 miles. Congratulations!
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