Workout: 3.7-mile run
You guys rock! It was such a great boost to my ego to read positive comments about my new hair cut. I feel like a new woman, a feeling worth its weight in gold-dusted cupcakes.
You see, being pregnant doesn't feel as cute as I thought it would be. In fact, most days I feel like a cow. It's not a nice thing to say but it's the truth. My body is changing in ways I didn't anticipate, I don't feel this pregnant glow people tout and the things that I used as indicators for my self worth are now null.
Before you tell me how cute and awesome I am, let me explain.
Self-esteem issue No. 1: As I lost weight, I took such joy in being able to buy clothes in the misses department and then buy styles that I once ruled out (hello, jeggings!) and then buy sizes I said I would never wear. It made me feel good about myself that my Old Navy skinny jeans were a size 2 and the tunic from Kohl's only looked good in an XS. Obviously, when I got pregnant, I knew that my belly would get bigger and my size 2 jeans wouldn't fit. What I didn't know was how hard it would be to find equally cute jeans to wear. I hate about 90 percent of the maternity clothes I see, and many of the styles I like to wear aren't made in maternity styles that I can afford. I feel blah in the simple styles I've reverted to wearing.
Solution: I am now wearing jewelry more than ever, trying to pump up the style factor of a simple knit shirt, and I found some dresses from my heavier days that are translating well to pregnancy. Cute shoes help, too. (Hint, hint, Mark. I could use some new flats.)
Self-esteem issue No. 2: As I ran deeper and deeper into racing, I made gains that I never thought possible. I ran a 10-minute mile ... and then a 9-minute mile ... and then I ran a sub-2:00 half-marathon. In October, the month I conceived, my average pace was between 8:30 and 9:01 and that 9:01 was a one-time deal. And I can tell you something about that day - I'm sure I didn't feel good about myself and made myself worker harder during the next run to make up for it. Fast forward to today, my average pace was in the 10:10-10:15 range. I'd be more accurate but there was some stop-start issues when I went to tie my shoes (read: user fail). On the treadmill yesterday, my pace was a flat 11:00 (I always did run faster outside). There's no way I could run a 9:01 over one mile much less 7.
Solution: I stop taking the Garmin and I stopped charting my pace in my running log. I don't worry about how fast I'm going or whether people perceive my pace as sloth-like. If I run, it's a victory. And, to be honest, I wish I would have seen every run pre-pregnancy like that.
Self-esteem issue No. 3: Your body changes with pregnancy ... duh. I expected my belly and my hips to get bigger. Maybe even my butt. What I didn't expect was for my face to fill out a bit or my legs to feel heavier, my Tempo shorts to feel different on the leg. I sometimes freak out that I'm not gaining the way I should or I should run more or I shouldn't have eaten that cupcake my Realtor brought me.
Solution: My legs are bigger ... duh. I'm not running 25-, 30-mile weeks anymore. I'm not doing tempo runs or mile repeats. What did I expect? I also look at old photos and realize that though my face is rounder, it's not as round as it used to be and my butt is certainly not as big. I also look at my food diary and realize that I'm not eating Wendy's twice a day or a pint of Ben & Jerry's. I'm doing my best and that's all I can do.
Do you ever struggle with self esteem? How do you talk yourself away from negative thoughts?