Eating to beat depression: WIAW

"I wouldn't think you eat a lot of carbs or sugar, though."

Sitting just a few feet away from me in a cozy office in a carriage-style house, I just stared at my new therapist. Moments before, she had diagnosed me with depression but said that my running would, for the time being, keep me off antidepressants thanks to the release of dopamine and serotonin. So the question of my diet was an interesting one.

I wanted to tell her that I run. Far. #carbsforlife, yo. You know. Rather, I told her my diet is always a work in progress.

Breakfast: Southwest Egg White Scramble with homemade sourdough toasted topped with Trader Joe's Fig Butter (this will be the death of me)

The reason she brought up, she explained, was that a diet high in carbohydrates and sugar has been linked to depression. In her experience, changing diet as part of treatment could be beneficial. "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Fuhrman could offer some insight. I took note and went on my way.

Morning snack: Carrot Cake Cookie and skinny steamer

I'm familiar with the "Eat to Live" protocol having followed the holiday challenge more than a year ago and being around people who follow it. It's restrictive at best - a primarily plant-based diet that eschews oil, sugar, dairy and salt. I've always thought it to be too much for me but if it would help me, I was willing to reconsider.

Lunch: Whole-Wheat Couscous Chicken salad with a banana

I talked to my co-worker who had been a pretty devout Fuhrman follower. She had seen some great results from the diet - lower cholesterol, blood sugar - and seemed to embrace the lifestyle. Those things are great but my interest was narrow. "Were you happier?" I asked. The answer? Yes.

Afternoon snack: Carrots with the Laughing Cow and watermelon Nuun (it's back!). Also, homemade hummus and tabbouleh with wheat pita, dried apricots and walnuts

The challenge for me, though, was believing whether the diet made her happy because it made her feel better on a self esteem level or whether changing the way she ate affected her mood on a chemical level. I know eating healthfully makes me feel good but it's almost always because I feel like I'm doing something good for me, giving more confidence and satisfaction.

Dinner: Open-faced veggie burger with corn, dollop of mac and cheese and homemade onion soup

I decided to turn to another friend: Google. Searching for research about mood and diet, I found anecdotal and research-based evidence that certain ways of eating affected mood. The Mediterranean diet that seemed popular a few (or 10) years back was shown to improve depression. Sugar and the effect on insulin was shown to exacerbate depression.

Snack: Plain Greek yogurt with stevia, golden raisins, walnuts and TJ's fig butter

The more I read, the more I realized that it comes down to one thing: Eating real food. There's a definite link between depression and sugar - whether we eat sugar because we're depressed or whether we're depressed because we eat sugar - and it would behoove me to try to limit it.

My goals right now are to cut back on the treats, focus on quality carbohydrates (going back to whole grain and brown rice instead of what the boys like) and dramatically increase my fruit and vegetable intake. I am taking cues from the Mediterranean diet but mostly for meal inspiration. It's by no means a dramatic overhaul, or at least I'd think, but a chance to renew myself, my diet and my mental health.

The change is just that - a change, a work in process, which I guess is a lot like therapy. I'm happy to report that I'm already feeling better. I definitely know that it's feeling like I'm taking that step forward, again a lot like going to therapy, but it's something.

Sweet nothings

Sacrifice.

When embarking on a weight-loss journey, it is nearly inevitable that a person is going to have to make sacrifices - especially when it comes to food - because, last time I checked, a large Mint Oreo Blizzard wasn't in most eating plans. There's cutting things out entirely, reducing portion size (though a mini Blizzard still clocks in at xxx calories) or finding innovative ways to enjoy the qualities of certain foods without the calories.

And we've all seen those innovative ways. "Guilt-Free" Hazelnut spread, black bean brownies, protein pudding. But those innovations can sometimes (or) introduce artificial sweeteners and ingredients.

When I was in the thick of Weight Watchers, I was an "innovation queen." I would whip up Pumpkin Fluff that had sugar-free pudding and low-fat whipped topping, each carrying a long list of ingredients. Low-fat ice cream was a favorite but some of he treats have high fructose corn syrup. I made oatmeal variation after oatmeal variation that included my new favorite ingredient, stevia. And, of course, there was the Diet Coke.

I thought that the swaps I was making were what I had to do - and it probably was - and in the beginning, didn't think much beyond that. As I became successful, I told myself and touted that they were healthy. They were such a part of my daily eating habits that I couldn't imagine giving them up.

And then, in November, a co-worker posted a link to Dr. Fuhrman's Healthy Holiday Challenge. The 60 day challenge was a way for Eat to Live followers to reconnect with their lifestyle, which eschews oil, salt, white flour and sweeteners of all varieties among other things. For me, it was a way to disconnect from habits that I was beginning to think weren't so healthy and sever ties with Diet Coke.

I didn't make it the whole 60 days (hello, Christmas) but I did manage to kick my Diet Coke habit and rid my diet of artificial sweeteners. It is true. The girl who put stevia in everything has not touched a substitute intentionally since November (save for the diet soda I had when I had food poisoning).

I was eating sugar, though - and lots of it. But sugar had to be healthier, in moderation, than the substitutes, I reasoned.

Don't worry, the irony wasn't lost at me.

And so I found myself at a cross-roads. Just what kind of sweetener is OK? Honey and maple syrup are natural but still provide a sweet taste that I crave and pack some calories. Traditional sugared treats often send me into a tailspin of indulgence that leaves me feeling guilty. Stevia is "natural" but I find that people use it too frequently to make these faux desserts that are often not solving the need or addiction but putting a bandage on it.

Editor's note: This could be my own issues speaking and is merely my perception.

It's something I have been struggling with for the past couple months. I wanted to eat dessert but I wanted to eat clean and I wanted to control my weight. I thought I could do it with portion control but after a particularly bad bender last week, I found myself revisiting some of the foundations of Dr. Fuhrman's Eat to Live protocol. It's almost as if it's a cleanse, ridding the body of addictive, artificial ingredients and introducing control and willpower.

It's been nine days since I've intentionally eaten anything with added sugar and I plan to continue with it for at least the month of April as Laura at Mommy Run Fast posted a Sugar Detox Challenge for the month. Her initial post had some really interesting things to say about sugar and today she offers tips for overcoming sugar cravings. (I'm a big fan of the sweet vegetables as this weekend I added sweet potato and carrots to my wheat pancake mix, skipped the sugar and enjoyed every bite.)

I love the accountability of the challenge but, more importantly, I'm hoping to find a middle ground where I can eat a dessert here and there without a tail spin and find a definition for my healthy.

What is your relationship with sugar? Do you think certain sugar substitutes are OK? Do you think you are up for the challenge?

Currying favor

So ugly yet so good.

When I signed up for Dr. Fuhrman's Healthy Holiday Challenge, I knew one of the key things would be not only planning my lunches but finding creative meals that fit the plant-based lifestyle and, more importantly, my tastes.  I didn't want to eat kale salads, though delicious, every day. I wanted hearty dishes that were full of flavor.

Dishes like this Indian buffet-inspired rajma.

There's nothing like hitting the Indian buffet - and hitting it hard. Saag paneer, rajma, chicken tikka masala, basmati, daal, naan. Oh, and that rice pudding and mango lassis. It's utterly delicious but a complete calorie bomb, and you leave feeling like you're going to birth the next Dali Lama. Not quite the goal of the Healthy Holiday Challenge.

These Indian-Spiced Kidney Beans bring home the flavors of your local Taj Mahal without the fat and calories. There's warmth from the cinnamon, a smokiness from the cumin and heat from the chili powder and cayenne. The beans are soft without being mushy and the sauce is perfect to soak up with a piece of whole grain naan.

Even better - it's in the slow cooker. Make it on a Sunday night, and you have lunches for the week come Monday morning. Wait. There is something - it used items I already had in my pantry, and probably cost a whopping $2 to make. Far cheaper than the buffet.

Slow Cooker Indian-Spiced Kidney Beans

1.5 cups red kidney beans, rinsed but not soaked
1 medium onion, diced
1 (15-ounce) can diced tomatoes
1-inch piece ginger, grated
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 tablespoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon tumeric powder
1 teaspoon garam masala
3 whole cloves
1 tablespoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
6 cups water
1/8 cayenne pepper, or more to taste
Chopped cilantro, to taste

Place all ingredients except the cilantro in the slow cooker. Cook on HIGH for 8 to 10 hours, or until the beans begin to break down and become thick.

Remove the cloves. Stir in cilantro.

If you wish, use an immersion blender or masher to break up some of the beans to create a thicker sauce. To make it non-vegan and a bit creamier, stir in 1/2 cup plain Greek yogurt.

Serve with basmati rice and naan, if you are so lucky to have it. I managed to time this perfectly with a shipment of Stonefire Naan, which included a whole grain variety.

Forget that, eat this

If there is one thing I've learned over the years of trying to find a healthy lifestyle it is forgiveness. Forgive yourself for having a bad day. Forgive yourself for eating two pieces of dessert. Forgive yourself for hitting snooze and taking an unplanned rest day.

Of course, I say this with a belly bursting at the seems. The bland tuna casserole made with white pasta, which went against my healthy holiday challenge, sits heavy in my stomach. I almost feel sick, and the sad thing is that those extra bites weren't even worth it. (In my defense, I think I kept eating it in the hopes that it would magically get better.)

But rather than beat myself up for a less than stellar day, I'm going to move on and relish the rather inspired eats of recent days.

1. Hash made with green peppers, onions, broccoli, spinach and red potato with an egg on top.

2. Mini whole wheat bagel with homemade cinnamon almond-pecan butter and a sprinkling of trail mix.

3. Apple with trail mix (raisins, seeds and nuts)

4. Thai Fried Quinoa with marinated scrambled tofu (Figging amazing. I swear.)

5. Hospital salad with cottage cheese (no dressing) and Naked juice

6. Baby carrots

7. Cuban-style sandwich made with leftover roast pork, grilled onions and jalapenos on Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted Flax bread. It was served with broccoli.

Of course.

A healthier mindset

Forgive me readers, for I have sinned. It has been 342 posts since my last confession.

I've been keeping something from you. Something almost monumental: It has been two weeks since I last a Diet Coke. Fourteen days since the effervescent bubbles passed through my lips. Three hundred thirty-six hours since I filled my body with aspartame.

I know this might come as a shock to many of you. I have unapologetically pledged my love for the sweet, refreshing beverage but I assure you that it wasn't a rash decision.

Wait. Maybe it was.

A friend of mine shared Dr. Joel Fuhrman's Healthy Holiday challenge on Facebook, and I couldn't help but be intrigued. The challenge was designed for devotees of Fuhrman's plant-based Eat to Live lifestyle to recommit during the holidays. While I've never had any interest in the plan - it is far too restrictive for my liking though I admire and support people who can do it - the challenge was posted just after I questioned whether my eating habits could be considered healthy. As I thought about it - and later accepted, a day later, - I hoped it would allow me to focus on whole foods and, just possibly, retrain my brain and stomach to crave a more plant-based lifestyle.

Among the goals for the two-month challenge:

• Eat at least one large salad every day
• Eat generous amounts of cooked green vegetables, mushrooms, and onions
• Eat beans every day
• Eat at least three fresh fruits every day
• Avoid white flour
• Avoid sugars and artificial sweeteners
• Use oils sparingly

Easy enough, right?

Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Not only did the challenge start the week of Thanksgiving, when I would be traveling and craving my favorite Cincinnati foods, it made my already open eyes even wider as I realized just what ingredients some of my favorite foods contain. Peanut butter? It has sugar. Any salad dressing, even the best, have oils. Many wheat breads have white flour, as well.

Beyond that, it solidified my awareness that I was dependent on sweet flavors - if not addicted. I put stevia in oatmeal, sugar-free syrup on pancakes and honey on sweet potatoes. I craved chocolate after lunch and Diet Cokes after a hard workout. I immediately went for a Skinny Cow after dinner. Looking back at my food tracker, I easily logged 300 empty calories from mini chocolate bars or so called diet-friendly ice cream treats.

Adhering to the guidelines of the challenge required almost drastic changes to my diet, palate and meal preparation. I could no longer rely on processed foods - at all - and I would have to retrain my brain from healthy eating, diet style, to healthy eating, quasi-nutritarian style. Among them: I've had to learn how to enjoy oatmeal without sweetener; find suitable beverages that don't involve sugar or sweeteners, artificial or natural; make my own nut butter or go to Fresh Market for the freshly ground; get creative with snacks, especially night-time; plan and prepare lunches for the week; and hit up the grocery more often for fresh vegetables.

It's been overwhelming at times, to say the least. I've felt lost about what I "can" eat and unenthusiastic about drizzling vinegar on a bowl of greens rather than using the fork-dip method with my beloved ranch. Thanksgiving was a buffet of white flour and sugar at which point, I gave in and ate as many vegetables as I could and picked select foods to indulge in. Joining the challenge did give me a free membership to Dr. Fuhrman's recipes but his eating plan is nearly vegan, in addition to being salt- and oil-free, and the recipes have tested my comfort levels and budget.

At the same time, it has been gratifying to reach a point where I no longer need sugar and feel proud of the way I am eating. I'm adjusting the challenge to meet my needs and own goals (oil is OK and meat one meal a day) but feel like it's something I can do for two months. Longer? We'll see but I'm hopeful.

Oh, in case you were wondering: I still miss Diet Coke. Like, really, really miss it.