Monday, March 11, 2013

And I'm out

This blog post is for me, mostly, to work some things out in my head. Seeing as this blog is mine and I try to write about what I want to remember or share and, at times, what I need to, I'm going to take advantage. It will be whiny and stupid and so, if you read on, you have been warned.

 I thought it was my big break. More than attending BODYPUMP teacher training or landing a regular class at the gym, I thought the corporate wellness gig on Thursdays was going to make my fitness career.

Instead, at least for right now, it seems to have broken it.

The gym is rearranging the class schedule at the corporate wellness site so one instructor cam teach the site's two classes. And I am not that instructor.

The participants didn't really like me. Plain and simple. I've been able to sense it and when I got an email from the coordinator to call her, I knew something was up. She didn't have a lot of feedback for me but among the few things she did know was that I closed my eyes while teaching, I wasn't the right pace and I wasn't bubbly enough.

I tried. I really did. I was encouraging. I listened to what they said they wanted. For God's sake, I took out lunges two weeks in a row. I gave them stations. I made it so they could move around the room. I went out and bought resistance loops, "The Women's Health Big Book of Exercises" and scoured the Internet for the "it" group fitness class, hoping to glean strategies and structure. I thought about what I could do to make it better constantly, staying up at night thinking and penciling things down in meetings.

Heck, I even accepted my in-law's offer, borrowing $600 to get my personal training certification because I was sure I was going to need it now that I was teaching the class.

But now I'm not. And I sort of feel like I wasted my in-law's money, my husband's time and sacrificed evenings with Miles to work toward a future that I had no business dreaming of. I did all of that thinking I could do something when I obviously can't.

While people will say it's their loss, it's mine. I'm still out the money and locked into a personal training program. I'm out my confidence. I'm out my drive.

I have a recovery run on the books tonight, and I'm hoping four slow miles will be just what I need to recenter and refocus. Be less of a baby. Right now, though, it hurts.

P.S. The coordinator said I'm not supposed to take it personally, and they are going to keep me on tap for other corporate wellness sites that could come up.


  1. Oh sweetie...I'm so sorry!! What an ego crusher :(

    Please try to remember tho, that just because you didn't gel with this one class does NOT mean that you are a failure as a trainer. Keep at it. You love it and that means so much....

    Hugs my friend....

  2. I feel you. I teach a struggling Zumba class- only 2 ladies show up most days, despite over 30 signing up for it last summer (which is why they hired me). It's so bad rather than adding yoga so I'd be teaching 2 classes (and thus double my income, and MAYBE be able to make my own student loan payment instead of my husband doing it for me), I now teach Zumba once a week, and yoga once a week. And with the sequester crap, if furloughs go into effect, Zumba is gone. "Don't take personally, your classes all love you, we've heard nothing but positive feedback..." Blah blah blah. What it comes down to in my situation is that the classes have fun, but they'd rather go home and sit on the couch than come to my class most days. Which is hard not to take personally.
    Chin up. You might not need that certification at THIS moment, but who's to say what lies ahead? Stay positive, as much as possible. When in doubt, run it out.

  3. "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts" ~ Winston Churchill.

    If you are lucky enough to know your passion then never stop fighting for it!

  4. Ugh, such a bummer!

    I totally agree with the above comment ^^- just because you didn't gel with one class, that doesn't make you a failure!

    And you have every right to pursue a career that makes you happy.

    Let it hurt, for now. I think it's healthy to grieve what could have been. But then get right back up on your feet and keep going!

    I wish I had the guts to pursue my passion, instead of doing what I've always done because that's all I know to do.

    Keep your head up =)

  5. Oh man. This SUCKS. I'm so sorry.

    Also, just because that site didn't get what you bring doesn't mean you won't be a perfect fit for another group.

    I'm so sorry though.

  6. I'm sorry :( I can understand your frustration. AS for the certification, while you might not need it today, it could come in handy for other jobs in the future, so I wouldn't view that as money wasted. ((hugs))

  7. Oh gosh. What a big slap across the face, after getting that money and your year of epic sh*t. This year is still going to be epic. We are both going to take that stinkin' test and pass it. It will still be worth it! You'll find what's right for you.

    Let me know if you want to vent to someone. I can send you my phone #!

  8. I hate when people say it's nothing personal. It is personal to you, especially when you have spent/sacrificed so much of your time thinking about how to make it better for your participants.
    That PT certification will still come in handy in the future! Sometimes it's nice to use the ole blog as a venter, and you have good reason! Lots of love your way!

  9. Boo the. Well, if you're not the bubbly instructor, maybe you can be the ass-kicking hard core instructor who yells a lot. They always need those! :)

  10. so sorry! i echo what previous commenters said. just from reading your blog, i have a feeling you are a kick-ass instructor!! and i wish you the best in finding the right place for you.

  11. I'm so sorry. I'm sure you made a TON of sacrifices with the family and all. Try to look at it as not the end, but the beginning. You have to just keep plowing through and find the group right for you. Honestly, if you were adjusting that much, kind of sounds like they weren't up for a good challenge eh?

    I'm at a stopping point of sorts myself. I had signed up for my second half in December. I don't think I can do it. After my really bad showing at Rock N Roll NOLA, I just can't go another 8 months of training sacrificing family time and my sanity.

    It's just not in the cards right now, but that doesn't mean forever. That's how you have to look at your situation, keep going again! Don't give up!

  12. Kim, you are a fantastic BodyPump instructor and will make a great personal trainer. Although it seems like you have invested a lot of money into this right now, it will pay off in the end. I've always told my girls that anything worth having requires some sort of sacrifice. This is just a small bump in the road. Don't take a detour. Stick with it because it's their loss for not having you. Their is something bigger and better just waiting for you. I have faith in you!

  13. I'm so sorry. You never know, something BIG could be in store for you!

  14. Sorry Kim :( The other comments are right though - the certification won't be in vain. You'll be ready for when bigger + better things come along!

  15. Sending you some encouragement to keep learning and following your dreams. Hopefully the right opportunity will come along that is a better fit.

  16. Frankly I wouldn't want a bubbly bitch up in front of me all smiley. I would want someone that would make me WORK. You have a passion for this fitness thing. You work damn hard at it. You have a lot of knowledge and people can learn from you. You've BEEN THERE. When you train people one-on-one, I think you'll shine. You've had a very valuable learning experience that you can apply to your personal training. Everyone gets rejected and I know that doesn't make it easier, but you're an inspiration to so many. Those people were lucky to have you and your passion. Pity them for not appreciating it.