Monday, May 6, 2013

Punk moves: A race report

Warning! Warning! The following post may contain some language that could offend sensitive readers, including talk of bodily functions and profanity.

I like my race reports to be positive. Uplifting. Reflective of the accomplishment that is completing any race distance.

But my recap of the Wisconsin half marathon won't be like that. This recap, in fact, will be down right shitty.

Quite literally.

After all, when you lose three minutes for a port-a-potty stop at mile 4 to take a dump you tried to take before the race, a runner lacking confidence in herself can let it define her race.

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The Wisconsin race takes place in Kenosha, starting in Harbor Park with beautiful views of Lake Michigan and winds through gorgeous neighborhoods, a lakefront park and to Carthage College before returning. There are some small hills but the race is perfect for a PR on a good day. And a good day it was Saturday. Though I had been worried it would be chillier than I had packed for when we arrived Friday, race day was a crisp day in the 40s with an overcast sky and a breeze - not gusts. Perfect running weather.

Bobbi, Kim and I arrived in Kenosha about 45 minutes before the start and quickly began the meets and greets. I finally got to see Marcia in person, as well as some of the Chicago Running Bloggers contingent, and I chatted with nuunie Lindsay for a few minutes. (Please note: My teammate is a Bodypump devotee. #winning) The race is a big small race (if that makes sense), and it was easy to find people in the crowd.

About 20 minutes till the gun, I decided to hop in the potty line. I was feeling good - having had two decent eliminations before leaving the house - but I had some cramping in the car on the trip up. It could have been period cramps but I didn't want to risk it. When I finally got in to the stall 5 minutes before the start, my body had nothing to give - no matter how much I tried. So I gave up.

I quickly exited and hopped into the mass of runners. There weren't corrals so I just sort of got in the middle and hoped for the best. I later saw some pace signs to help give people a guide but I was already walking toward the line after the gun by that point. Two minutes later, it was time to run.

Thoughts from miles 1-4 (9:04, 8:36, 8:33, 8:33)
Oh, I am not positioned in the right place. Dodge, weave, dodge, weave. Wait. Stop the dodge, weave, dodge, weave. Don't waste energy. Relax. Soak it in. The lake sure is beautiful. These houses are big. I want one. First mile just around 9. Perfect. Water stops and port-a-potties already. No thanks. Man, there's a lot of turns. I don't mind but I bet some people are bitching. I wish I didn't keep my hoodie on. Can I take this off mid-stride without throat-punching someone? Winning! I can. Oh. Shit. I should have gone to the bathroom. I wonder when the next water stop will be. Not at mile 2. My legs feel good. No potties at mile 3. This could be bad. Stay steady. Will the poop away. The mind is powerful. Will it away. Maybe not. I'm prairie doggin'. God I love "Little Miss Sunshine." For the love of heaven, there's a port-a-potty ahead. And a line. But there's no time to be picky. Stop watch. Must know how much time was lost.

Thoughts from miles 5-9 (8:31, 8:52, 8:49, 8:58, 8:40)
Restart watch. Well, there goes any chance for a PR. What should I do now? I could still finish sub-2, maybe. Or I could take it easy. Easy sounds fun. You didn't come here to be easy. Hi, Lindsay! Oh, I like the lake. So pretty. I don't like this hill but it's not as bad as Lexington. There's the front-runners. And is that a guy juggling? While he runs 6-minute miles? That girl looks way too prancy to be running so fast. And happy. I want to shank her. Oooh, there's Kim. She's looking strong. I need to stop being a pansy. Buck up buttercup, you can be strong, too. It's Sarah! Hi, Sarah! Time to turnaround. Turn the beat around. Start spotting your peeps. Bobbi ... cousin Chris ... cousin, Kristen. This is fun. I need more peeps to spot. Mental note: Make more friends.

Thoughts from miles 10-13 (9:17, 8:57, 9:00, 9:45)
I liked running down this hill; it's sort of dumb to run up it. I am ready for this to be over. I think I can finish sub-2 even if I completely blow this. Let's just get this over with. Wait. If you run faster, it will be over faster. Turn it over. Turn it over. OH, there's Kim again. Is she already done? She must have smoked it. Why is she running more miles? Wait. She's not. We have another damn out and back turnaround thingy. This is stupid. I really don't like this anymore. Where is the damn turnaround? A water stop - thank heavens. I can walk. Just to that trash can. OK, the next one. Slow the sips. You can walk as long as you drink.

Thoughts from finish (8:07 pace, MOTOACTV read 13.3, probably because I weaved so much in beginning)
Time to be done. You can do this. Sarah! It's Sarah! "Don't let me finish like an asshole," I told her. Oops, I might have passed her. That was a dick move. I might as well pass someone else. There's that girl I've been jockeying with. She's so special in her cheese crown. NOT. Kick it. Kick it real good. Dun, dun, dun. Damnit, she's kicking it. Bitch. Harder. Bitch. Find more. Bitch. Oh, shit. She crossed first. Stop watch. Stop it. What does it say? 1:58:07. I'll take it.

Final thoughts
As I chatted with Sarah and found Kim (near 3-minute PR) and later the other Kim (who almost snaged a pregnant PR) and Bobbi, I was happy with how it turned out. I had ran some strong miles and even some faster at PR pace. It wasn't until I saw the official results, with a chip time of 2:01:10, that I got upset with my race. Not the race - because I have nothing good things to say about it and would highly recommend it - but how I handled it. I didn't stick to my plan and I gave up mentally. I'm fairly confident if I could have stayed mentally in it that I might have been able to squeak under 2 officially.

Even more upsetting is that I've let this affect how I viewed the experience. All the beautiful things I saw, bonds I strengthened and miles I ran were forgotten the moment I saw the official time. And though it's important to set goals and reach for them, it's not the only thing. It's not only succeeding or failing. There's always something more.

23 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you didn't have the race you wanted. BUT I'm still really glad I got the weekend with you! Let's do another.

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    1. Yes, definitely another. We should have a contingent come our way for something. I mean if we had cool races here.

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  2. Hello Kimberly,
    Just a quick email to ask if you would be interested in a ‘mutual’ following on twitter. I am currently following you now and am awaiting for your follow-back. (#FYI I do RT’s ‘anytime’ for all #Triathletes #Cyclists #UltraRunners #Marathoners #FitnessProfessionals who follow me on Twitter and have something important they want mentioned for support…)

    All the very best for 2013 & beyond Kimberly. Look forward to hearing from you…

    Darin
    twitter.com/DarinArmstrong
    #TeamLIVESTRONG

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  3. I have had races before where the potty stops have killed me. The important thing is to learn from this race. Next time, try to stay confident even if you need to break. Be proud of yourself for still finishing!

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  4. You crack me up...prarie doggin! Hah! So sorry your body didn't cooperate with you before the race, but I think you did a great job anyway!

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  5. OK. First off, I am so bummed for you that you didn't get the race that was inside you. All that means is that you need to find another half to run, pronto.

    But I adored this recap. Highlights? "mental note: make more friends" "that was a dick move" and "I want to shank her" - also, I may or may not have salt-n-pepa stuck in my head right now.

    I heart you - come back and visit me soon :)

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    1. Yes, please! To the visit. I've been trying to find a redemption run but NE Indiana sucks it, and I can't find anything but an out-and-back on country roads an hour away with a 400-person cap. I can't even find if it's chip timed. Womp. womp.

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    2. Do Sunburst!! In South Bend 6/1!

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    3. or http://geisthalf.com/course/

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    4. or maybe even http://www.runkra.com/Pages/UpcomingEvents.aspx

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    5. I want to hear more about which redemption race you choose :)

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  6. I loved reading this! You passed me at mile 6 or so. I wondered how the hell you got behind me. Now I know.

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    1. I didn't see you then! I think I passed you early on but never saw you again. And now I know. Dang potty.

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  7. On the upside- BECAUSE you stopped at a port-a-potty, you didn't ship your pants.
    That's a win, even though I understand how sucky it feels to be oh-so-close to under 2 hours (Hello, stupid 2:01:45, why did I walk for a total of 10 minutes???? Oh yeah, surgery last October).
    But come on. You didn't ship your pants. Imagine how much worse it would have been had you NOT stopped. 8-9 miles of shipped pants.
    (God, I love that Kmart commercial).
    I'll let you punch me in November at the Veteran's Marathon, since I'm often grinning like an idiot. But you have to keep me from walking too much! Motivational punches!

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    1. I don't think it would be very nice to punch you but good point about not pooping my pants. Did consider it, though, as I could just toss underwear. Maybe a strategy for next time ;)

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  8. Hilarious and I still think you rocked it!

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  9. first of all - you ran a great race! i know it wasn't the race you wanted, but you stuck with it and finished strong. i hate all the things that can screw up a race that are out of your control (weather, bathroom issues, getting sick, etc) but you managed to keep it going. and your race report is unbelievably hilarious!

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  10. Oh my gosh, you kill me. My thoughts when you went speeding by? "Holy fuck she's got kick left! I do NOT have that kick left!" I tried to keep up, and it was not happening. I'll be a blurry blog in the back ground of your finish line photo :D

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  11. I'm so sorry to hear you didn't get what you wanted. Stupid poop. I hate the mid run turtle head. I think you killed it. Be proud girl! I can't even run that WITHOUT a potty break!

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  12. I'm sorry it didn't go quite as planned. The mid-race shits are the worst! For real. On the upside, you did met your sub 2 goal if you only think of real running time and you didn't have poop coming out of your shorts. That is always a bonus and all those people you passed surely appreciated it.

    Also laughed out loud and wanting to shank that chick. Totally have had those feelings.

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  13. I love your stream of consciousness recap! And those are some DAMN speedy miles.

    I am sad you didn't hit your goal. But hell, you gave it a good effort, even though you feel like you gave up mentally. I do not have that grit AT ALL. That is why I used a pacer. Do you need a pacer....??!?!?!??!?!?? :) winky ;)

    I am really happy I got to see you. And that you got to see so many bloggers and meet new peeps! I wish I would have seen Sarah. I love her blog :)

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  14. Hi Kim! Nice to meet you after hearing about you via Bobbi & Kim! This was a beautiful course... and I'm glad you didn't poop your pants!

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